“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”     ― Kalu Ndukwe Kalu

In honor of “National Caregiver Month”, we commend all Caregivers for enhancing the life of another.

The Best of Time Even in the Worst of Times

Time is the gift we all are given. Time to work, to play, to grow, and yes – even time to travel into a state of diminishment.

I’d like to share how  a Caregiver Support Group  turned my friend Rose, and her husband Ralph’s life, into a more positive future – a best of time.

This is the story of my friend Rose and her husband Ralph:

Rose was brokenhearted, but not totally surprised, when Ralph was diagnosed with “Cognitive Disorder” just a year after retiring.  She had noticed some changes in Ralph and she had encouraged him to see a neurologist.  Ralph was reluctant, but finally he agreed.  He was diagnosed with “Cognitive Disorder.”

Ralph was asked to be a part of a study group.  He agreed, but quit after a few appointments.  Rose thought it was because he struggled during some of the sessions, and was embarrassed.

It was a time of anxiety in which Ralph tried to forget about his “Cognitive Disorder,” and he did, as Rose witnessed how his forgetfulness increased.

Rose wrestles with sharing with family the facts of Ralph’s disease.  Nobody wants to hear it, let alone believe it, even though they too had seen some changes in Ralph. It is five years later and they are coming around to the reality that Ralph has changed, but the support still isn’t there.

Rose, needing a safe place to share her reality started attending a Caregiver Support Group.  With this group, Rose has found that she is able to speak openly about what is happening in her life.  She can share her disbelief, her heartaches, her hang ups and her hopes.  Rose knows she isn’t alone in her journey.  She has a group of supporters who are living with some of the same concerns and they listen without judgement.  Rose appreciates this group and encourages others to find a group to attend.

Also- Rose’s friends still love Rose and Ralph.   Invitations continue to come for dinners, parties and travel.  Rose always feels connected when they are together, and so does Ralph – for a while, anyway.

When you ask Rose how things are going, she always says the same thing:  “It’s the Best of Times; It’s the worst of times.”  When she explains, Rose states, “Ralph and I are wonderful friends. We have become better communicators with each other (lots of sign language and facial expressions.)  What is happening to us has helped us to rely on our Faith and trust each other more.  That’s the best.  The fact that Ralph is declining is disheartening, and knowing that eventually, the end will come – is the worst.   Although, through our Faith, we know, the true Best is yet to come.”

Be the best caregiver – accompany someone through this journey!

 This article was written by Barbie Rugg, Caregiver Specialist for South Shore Elder Services.

 For a list of Caregiver Support Groups in the area please call 781-848-3910.  Check out our Caregiver Support page and tools available.

Posted in Voices