“It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing.”— Mother Theresa

Caring for our loved ones does not only take place in medical offices, hospitals, and nursing homes, but frequently is provided in the comfort of one’s own home. A caregiver is anyone that helps take care of a family member or friend. This help can range from tasks such as cooking and cleaning to more intensive care involving assistance with bathing and dressing. Today, it is difficult to find someone who does not know a current or past caregiver. According to recent statistics produced by the Family Caregiver Alliance, more than 52 million caregivers (or one out of every five households) are involved in caring for persons aged 18 or over. This means that a majority of the long-term care delivered in this country is being provided by unpaid caregivers.

While often a thankless job, caregivers face daily challenges with incredible resilience and strength. Many fall into the role unexpectedly, and while there is little that can actually prepare someone for the task, caregivers manage to complete invaluable work at the expense of their own well-being. Unpaid caregiving is estimated at around $450 billion per year (by the Family Caregiver Alliance), which is a remarkable amount and does not even begin to account for the emotional and social expenses taken on when caregiving.

While working with the Family Caregiver Support Program at South Shore Elder Services, I personally meet caregivers daily and have realized that these caretakers are amazingly heroic individuals. While many humbly admit embarrassment upon feeling stressed and frustrated, they continue to provide care at an extraordinary level. The caregivers’ endless pause in regard to their own lives to assure that their family or friend is receiving the optimal care he or she deserves requires incredible dedication and commitment. They often give up the chance to catch up on much needed sleep or meet for coffee with a friend to make sure that their loved one’s needs are being met. The work often does not end with the everyday chores, as many confess to sleepless nights and daily check-ins due to worrying that something has been missed or not planned for. Many caregivers show me calendars that I cannot begin to decipher, as the majority of the days are filled with important dates, appointments, and reminders for the person they are caring for.

It always impresses me when caregivers pragmatically question their capabilities after casually mentioning the balancing of their loved one’s needs, on top of their own lives, as well as with work and other family obligations. As a caregiver specialist, I have learned that these caregivers rarely realize the degree of their stress or the extent of their strength. While it may appear to be a simple approach, when listening to someone’s situation, I will echo all of the major responsibilities the person is attempting to juggle. Often, the caregiver will smile in a moment of clarity in understanding that it is not truly possible to perform these juggling acts with perfection. Helping someone to step back and see how much he or she is actually attempting to accomplish can provide them a roadmap to more easily prioritize and problem solve their individual situations.

Caregivers tend to overlook the necessity of continuing to set aside time to care for themselves. While many caregivers will blankly repeat this fact back to me as though they have heard it countless times from their families, I will still reiterate its importance. In order for someone to continue to give care, he or she needs to maintain adequate mental and physical health. According to The Occupational Safety and Health Administration, experiencing stress can contribute to headaches, high blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes, skin conditions, asthma, arthritis, depression, and anxiety. Once you factor these unimaginable levels of stress in with missing medical appointments, being too exhausted to exercise, not having time to maintain a healthy diet, and suffering from sleepless nights, it is easy to see how the health of caregivers can also begin to decline.

 

While I often collaborate with caregivers in the community about options and programs that they may be unaware of, major topics we often discuss encompass managing difficult emotions. While every situation is different, many caregivers to some degree tend to experience guilt, resentment, worry, isolation, and grief. Sometimes, knowing that there are support groups available where there are other caregivers experiencing similar challenges can alleviate some of these painful emotions. Many caregivers benefit from having a designated time to focus on their own needs by seeking help from a therapist or psychologist. Other times, discussing the causes, risks, and common solutions to manage these difficult emotions can be helpful.

Strategies to reduce stress are also a major component of the Family Caregiver Support Program. Sometimes, educating one’s self about an individual’s disease and lowering expectations of behaviors can be helpful in adjusting and coping. Setting limits with family members and asking for help are important practices. Many caregivers feel they will be burdening other family members and continue to try to accomplish an impossible amount of work without any support. More often than not, other family members do want to help but are not sure where to begin. Taking a break from caregiving is undoubtedly one of the most important components to staying strong mentally and physically. Regularly allotting time to watch a movie, take a walk, or talk on the phone may seem insignificant, but can be vital to avoid caregiver burnout. Many caregivers admit to feeling guilty for wanting to arrange for a night or weekend away on occasion, but this is also beneficial as they can return to caregiving feeling rejuvenated.

As every individual situation varies greatly, it is crucial for caregivers to reach out and ask for help if they are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, helpless, or confused. It can be revitalizing upon seeking support from other family members, neighbors, support groups, or medical professionals. It is also helpful to contact local community agencies such as Aging Service Access Points to request resources and learn about state programs and options designed to help families and caregivers. It is important to always remember that “you are doing the best you can”, and that it is acceptable to ask for help.

“Sometimes asking for help is the most meaningful example of self-reliance.”— Unknown

Chrissy Bowlin is the Caregiver Specialist/Transitions Social Worker for SSES.