Hello my name is Eleanor O’Neil.  I have worked with elders and their families for the past thirty eight years.  I have a wonderful career and have worked in many venues of elder service.  I am writing my story to you as a daughter who cared for her aged Mother.

 I thought that I knew what caregivers felt as I was the Family Caregiver Specialist at South Shore Elder Services.    In writing this I want to pay tribute to all the wonderful caregivers who continue to care and advocate for their loved ones.  My Mother wanted to live out her life and stay in her home.  Well that may sound easy, but as one progresses with a chronic illness many obstacles come into play.

 My Mother had lived alone for many years as my Father had passed away in 1973.  My Mother was very independent and she was not an easy sell.  What I mean by that it is I would gingerly try to provide options in her home with little success.  A year and a half ago my Mother went home from a Rehab to Hospice care.  Six months later Hospice discharged her as she was doing well in her home. 

My Mother did hand pick two wonderful caregivers that came over during the week.  I have two sisters and between the three of us we would go over on weekends or as needed.   I tried numerous times to have my Mother accept services through South Shore Elder Services and her answer was “ I am not ready yet”.  I am pleased to share that she did allow me to get her Meals on Wheels which was a godsend. 

As a caregiver I did have all the challenges that you hear and read about.  Yes, I did feel like I was on call 24/7 and yes I did feel overwhelmed in caring for my mom.  I did honor her wishes and at times that was very difficult as at the end of her life I was concerned about her safety. 

Being an elder service professional and knowing what was available was good, but at times extremely frustrating.  I knew what services were available and how to access them.   My mom on the other hand was not interested in having all these great services.  I treated my mom as I have treated the elders in my community.  I treated her with respect and dignity and honored her choices.  I had to stand back and remember that they were her choices and she had the right to her own self determination.

In closing I truly have walked the walk and talked the talk as a caregiver.  I applaud all the caregivers who care for their loved ones.  From the bottom of my heart I thank you and please remember that you are the shining star in life of your loved ones.

Eleanor O’Neil is a Protective Services Screening Supervisor and AAA Manager for South Shore Elder Services.